Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
