sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
