On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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