Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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