His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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