omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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