Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
