everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
