On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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