How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
