Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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