i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
