Ketchup is God's man juice
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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