oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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