I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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