Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
