How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
