I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
