remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
