You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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