this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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