I just pynch a tree in the face
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
