My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
