Well douche your snatch and let's go!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
