upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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