NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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