just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
