Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
