I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
