a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
