Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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