i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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