I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
