He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
