I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
