Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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