Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
