My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
