It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
