I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
