we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
