remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
