you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
