I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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