dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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