All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He passed out mid-signature
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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