Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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