laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
she peed on how many people?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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