btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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