Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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