two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
