Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
