brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
