Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
