did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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