if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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