Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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