Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize