Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
