the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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