Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize