i think my tv is drunk
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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