before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
