you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
